On Andros Townsend

After Andros Townsend came onto the scene for AVB's Tottenham at the start of the 2013/14 season, several articles were published under the headline "Is Andros Townsend the next Gareth Bale?". Feel free to copy and paste that into Google; you'll find like I did a bunch of articles written in 2013 discussing that prospect.

And blimey, what a prospect it was for us Spurs fans! We sold our hero, our talisman, arguably the best to play for Spurs in many years. And in an instant, we could have found a successor. Not one bought, but one of our own! One fast, attacking, goal-hungry, distance-striking winger replacing another. It was glorious. It dared us to dream of thirty-yard screamers, last minute winners, attacking football again. And with thoughts on what that could do for a national team so devoid of flare, so lacking in actual impact players, every English football fan was caught up in the furore of Andros Townsend.

It breaks my heart, therefore, to have to say this, but I think everyone knows it's true. He's one of our own, after all, that's what we sung - but so has many failed Tottenham prospects. Andros Townsend will never amount to the player we want him to be. Furthermore, Townsend barely justifies any more a seat on Tottenham's bench, let alone a starring role.

Allow me to explain. Townsend has many attributes that I adore from a modern-day winger: the ability to take on the defender; the willingness to take a dig at goal from outside box; the sheer velocity to belt it down the flanks. I look at defenders when he has the ball and they look startled into action, frantic to defend and stop him from making a difference in the final third. There's no denying that Townsend could fit the mould perfectly to play in our first team - hell, to play in any Spurs team over the years.

Well, then - why isn't he playing in the first team? Why has Pochettino confined him to the benches this season, using him in the league as no more than a second-half impact player? If he does indeed have all these attributes, shouldn't he easily waltz into the starting eleven ahead of Erik Lamela, ahead of Mousa Dembele, ahead of Nacer Chadli?

The answer is end product. Shots on goal. Creating chances. The difference between foreplay and fuck. Townsend has absolutely no end product, both as a midfielder and as an attacker. He has the foreplay of a pornstar but the penetration of a pubescent twit. He will take on the man; he will dribble down the the flanks; he will get into creative positions to set up and maybe even score. And he will bottle it almost every time. It's fun to watch him mess with defenders, but it is infuriating to watch the terrible crosses, the missed passes, but most of all, the constant, constant attempts on goal,

Scenario: a player gets the ball - teammates are in the box - a player cuts inside - a player looks up - teammates lose their marker - a player decides Fuck it, I'm scoring the winner - a ball goes cannoning into Row Z - possession lost, chance wasted.

Now picture that same scenario when you're watching your team, and it's every single game, and it's every single appearance, and it's every single season. I present you Andros Towsnend.

And the stats do not favour Andros at all. I've dusted off my old calculator, done a bit of division, nearly had an aneurysm, and discovered some shocking statistics about Townsend's end product. This was shocking despite the experience of watching him play for the past few seasons. Brace yourselves, people.

Across the last three seasons in the league and in Europe, Andros Townsend has played for Tottenham 58 times, shot at goal 102 times, and found the net 2 times. Two. That's a shot conversion rate of 1.9%. To put that in perspective, Spurs fans are like to see one goal out of every fifty Andros Townsend shots... ONE GOAL - FIFTY SHOTS. To put this in an even worse perspective for Andros, we'd be likely to get seven goals from Nacer Chadli in as many shots since 2013.

The fun doesn't end there, guys. Oh no. More of the stats that we so eagerly like to read say that Spurs fans see Andros create a single chance per 113 minutes of football. To compare with the a much maligned (and frankly, by many Spurs fans, still despised) rival to the right-wing spot, Erik Lamela will on average create a chance every 38 minutes of football, as well as the 12 assists compared to Townsend's 3 amongst his chances. If I were crude, I would say Lamela is statistically three times as creative as Andros Townsend on the football pitch.

So why exactly might Pochettino bench this young, talented footballer? Well, not only do the other young talented footballers in the squad - Kane, Lamela, Dier, Alli, (at a push) Mason - clearly make better impacts on matches than Townsend, these players are also improving at a far better rate since first playing for Spurs than Townsend. Whilst only the most hypercritical cynic would dispute the fact that Erik Lamela has improved since arriving at Spurs from Roma, Townsend is exactly the same player as he was when he burst onto the scene that same year. There's even an argument to suggest Townsend has gotten worse since first starting for Spurs in 2013; good defenders are more aware of his party tricks and can show him onto his weaker right-foot, which has even less of an impact than his left foot. With the likes of Alex Pritchard and Joshua Onomah jumping up and down to play for Spurs, I honestly wonder how Townsend is even on the bench under Pochettino.

Imagining a Townsend performance is much like Orwell's imagination of the future in Ninety Eighty-Four. I paraphrase: There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment in the process of attacking football. All possible chances to score will be destroyed. Always will there be the intoxication of taking shots, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of shooting from thirty-yards out, the sensation of trampling on a goal-scoring opportunity that is helpless. If you want a picture of Andros Townsend, imagine a boot stamping on Mauricio Pochettino's face - for ever.

Perhaps I'm being a tad harsh in likening Andros Townsend to totalitarianism. My main point is that I hold very little hope for Townsend as a top-half Premier League player. He is void of all end product, merely possessing the threat of it. He has all the attributes of an impact player without the decision-making skills to consistently do anything useful with them. At aged 24, there's still a few more years potentially there for improvement, and I'd love to see him replicate for Tottenham what he seems to do invariably for England. Sadly, with injury problems looming and better options already available and playing for Pochettino, I see a struggle for Townsend to hold onto his future at Tottenham.

The British tabloids have an excruciatingly painful tendency to hype up young, English footballers and announce them to be the next superstar in order to create interest. It wouldn't bother me if it didn't leave such a mark on these young players' careers. Tottenham and England fans alike will always struggle to discard the idea that Townsend could one day score goals, change games, bring glory like Gareth Bale did season after season in Lilywhite. But it's time we put it next to our other hopeless dreams for English football. I'd say that glory fades for Andros - this time, I doubt the glory was ever there to begin with.

What's Next For Tottenham Hotspur?

Two moments stand out and serves to summarise Tottenham’s season. The first is the euphoria felt by our fans after signing seven players with big reputations worldwide, for an investment of £105m and an investment of expectation. The second is Tim Sherwood throwing his gilet to the floor during the North London Derby at White Hart Lane.

Questions, questions, questions. How? Why? What now? What next?

When dissecting Tottenham’s season, most people go back to our transfer dealings (usually in the form of ‘they spent £100m on sh*t’). At the start of September, not one writer or punter saw those dealings as a negative; although we sold Bale, we seemingly replaced him by buying talent in all positions. The oracle that is Garth Crooks summed up this stance by boldly: “Tottenham had sold Elvis and bought The Beatles”.

As the season went on, a realisation grew amongst the footballing world: by selling Gareth Bale, Spurs lost their match-winner and the focal point of their team and that the players that Technical Director Franco Baldini brought in could not possibly replace what the Welshman possessed. By September, AVB had a team built around a man that no longer existed in Lilywhite. If you doubt the importance of a star player to a team, look no further than Liverpool, who’s focal point in Suarez has placed them in a title challenge. Melancholic it may be to think Tottenham could be achieving what Liverpool are doing right now, but it’s only the truth.

Tottenham find themselves currently in a position of numbness. Some say the season ended after being obliterated by Liverpool at Anfield, illustrating a start contrast between the two clubs at present. Others say it ended in December with the sacking of AVB and replacement of Tim Sherwood, seemingly gambling away the season before even the halfway point. Our squad is lacking confidence, form and desire, redeemed only by the successes of Adebayor and Eriksen. The media have condemned our club to our current place of purgatory – ‘Spurs are where they have always been and should expect no more’.

With the news that Sherwood will be replaced in the summer, fans can now think towards the future and what to expect for next season. Will we have a summer of upheaval and refurbishment, selling the players we signed and replacing them with more prospects? Will we try and build around the few gems carved from the pit that is this season?

The new manager, whoever he may be, must first look at what we have in our squad. I refuse to place the failures of our season on the players that we signed in August 2013. Take Soldado for instance. Yes, he has a had a dire season, failing to deliver on the promise of prolific goalscoring. My point is that Roberto Soldado was bought for £26m as one of the most prolific goalscorers in Europe, scoring more than 20 goals for each of the past four seasons. Just because Soldado has not lived up to expectations this season, it does not mean that there is nothing to be had in him next season.

This concept goes with the other players too. The Premier League is littered with players who came from foreign leagues who had poor first seasons but prospered in their future careers. Lamela showed glimpses of talent before being sidelined since December. Paulinho is still considered one of Brazil’s top talents, despite having a mediocre first season in England. Eriksen has been our stand out player this season, despite his inconsistent start.

There will be areas that will need improving in the summer. A young striker must be a priority after selling Jermain Defoe in January to Toronto. Younes Kaboul looks likely to be leaving in the summer when his contract runs out, so a centre-back should also be looked into. We currently possess average full-backs in Kyle Naughton and Danny Rose, so it is likely the new manager will need to strengthen there. On the whole though, our squad possesses talented individuals and is not in the need of another upheaval.

If Tottenham actually have the foundations of a talented squad, what is needed is somebody to create the blueprints needed for future success. Building this project will take years; we cannot hope for Chelsea-style instant success. A long process of evolution is needed, implementing the modern possession-based style of play which has proved successful in Europe, distancing the boardroom from management and stabilising a club in constant transition.

Tottenham’s season is a quagmire, an example of how to regress as a club. Selling your best players, sacking your manager midway through a season, replacing him with a manager with no professional experience whatsoever, deteriorating the relationship between the board and the fans off the pitch (the list goes on). Next season will have to be the start of an evolution and a project for future success if Spurs ever want to be at the top level of English football.

Born To Play For Spurs

On the 1st September 2013, Gareth Bale completed his move from Tottenham Hotspur to Real Madrid for a reported world record fee. Whilst Madrid followers from all around the world rejoice in the glory of another galactico signing, Tottenham fans are left in a flurry of emotions. As a Spurs fan, it's up to me to unravel this situation.

In Bale's first season for Spurs, he was playing left back and the only thing I can remember for certain is his immaculate speed down the flanks. Was he destined for greatness at that point? Of course not. Bale's debut season was very depressing, potentially soul-destroying for the young man, especially when he hadn't won a fixture with the Welshman in the side for his first 27 starts. Safe to say, I wasn't expecting much from him.

The first time I really began to notice Gareth Bale as anything as a player was midway through the 2009/10 season. That season as a whole is littered with glorious moments, but the most promising player out of all the bunch was our skinny Welsh left back. Bale was beating players down the left flank like no other, and creating problems for almost every team in the league. He showed drive and ambition; he wanted to succeed. To think, he could've been outed by Harry Redknapp to Nottingham Forest or Birmingham in January if it weren't for a few cameos in December! Funny old game, football.

Bale excelled the next season. In October, the man was the leading star in our Champions League debut season. After Bale put three past Julio Cesar and Inter Milan with his left foot, he put in a world class performance in the return fixture at White Hart Lane, known to all the Spurs fans by the song we sung that night, 'Taxi for Maicon'. That was one of the great European glory nights at White Hart Lane. Seeing that moment makes me long for Champions League again. As for Bale, I said that night that he was destined for greatness and that soon, all the top teams would want him. He went on to win PFA Player of the Year for the first time that season.

The 2011/12 season was not one where he wowed the millions, but one where he tried to find his place in the team. He was first put in a central role that season, but quickly shifted back to the left flank when Redknapp could not bring the best out of him. I always found Bale was at his best when he drove through defences, whether it be in the centre or the left, torturing them, ripping them apart. From an early age, he always had that in his locker. Proof? Goals last season came usually from a drive through the defence or the more majestic long shot.

In the 2012/13 season, Gareth Bale started it as a world class player and ended it a superstar. 31 goals in all competitions, many games and points won for Tottenham and many YouTube-compilation-worthy moments, drew comparisons between the Welshman and Cristiano Ronaldo, to many people the best player in the world (in my opinion, he is the most exciting player). From the very start, Bale set the house alight, scoring a wonderful free-kick against Croatia for Wales. The moment that will live in many Spurs fans hearts will be the last minute winner against West Ham at Upton Park, leading him to embrace Andre Villas-Boas on the touch line. Both manager and player admit their partnership brought the best out of the Welshman. To me, it was one key element that allowed this to happen: confidence. How confident must he have been to take that shot at Jaaskeleinen from 30 yards out, rather than chip it in the box? How confident must he have been to step up to that free kick against Lyon, winning the game and the first leg for Spurs? How confident must he have been to think he could curl in shots from all places, impossible to 99% of the football world? AVB gave Bale the confidence to deliver the impossible.

Bale's transfer saga has left a bitter aftertaste in the mouthes of many fan. The non-stop coverage from Sky Sports bored most football fans from the first minute, reporting any story from the most unreliable of sources, including many of the Marca, despite admitting it is Madrid's mouthpiece, a tool to engineer transfers. Real Madrid approached this transfer thinking they could claim Bale without any questions asked, known from the moment Florentino Perez said the player was 'born to play for Real Madrid'. The transfer rumour mill was non stop, all the papers looking for a breaking news exclusive. In the middle of it, there was a young Welsh boy who just wants to play football. I will never blame Bale for the way he had to leave. I blame the rotten way the media report transfers. From the gossip columns to the Deadline Day with Jim White, the whole thing is enough to drive you suicidal.

I hoped for most of the window that Bale would wear the Lilywhite shirt again, but that hope vanished when we began looking at Erik Lamela, expensive and talented to be touted as Bale's replacement, sought with money that could only come from one place: Madrid's back pocket. For 100 million Euros, I believe it was out of the best interests of the club for Levy to accept and reinvest, make the squad stronger with players that can drive Spurs to the top of English football (...hopefully).

Bale leaves White Hart Lane after six years, four of which will live in our hearts forever. In his statement to the fans, Bale said 'I have had six very happy years at Tottenham but it's the right time to say goodbye. We've had some special times together over the years and I've loved every minute of it. Tottenham will always be in my heart.' As a young Spurs fan, writing this with warmth in his heart and a tear in his eye, I can safely say that no player in my lifetime has brought more ecstasy and glory that Gareth Bale. My only wish that in his wake, Tottenham's future will be filled with moments of glory akin to last season. The club move forward, and we, as fans, will have to as well. But as Danny Blanchflower said many years ago, the game is about glory. There is no player that lives up to that mantra than Gareth Frank Bale.

I wish him well.

Incredibale

I remember the first time I watched Bale play. It was a pre-season match some time ago in 2007 against a random team I'd never heard of. That was the year he signed the Spurs, still a teenager at 17. I didn't think much of him, apart from the fact he looked pretty quick in that position. After that, my attention towards Bale was scarce to say the least, certainly not like Giovani Dos Santos, a young player I would always be eager to see (never did happen for him, did it?)

Bale in 2009/10. The oddest No.3 there ever was.

About half way through the legendary 2009/10 season, BAE got injured and  was replaced by this young player I had heard so little of in the two years since his arrival. Bale became a player to watch, bombing up the left flank on a regular basis, making things happen, even scoring goals. From then on, a Tottenham team was incomplete without the name 'Bale' on it.

His Champions League exploits in 2010/11 made Bale a player to watch in England, including the unbelievable hat-trick at the San Siro and the reverse fixture at the Lane, memories that all Spurs fans cherish. He won PFA Player of the Year that season and signed a new contract with us, ensuring there would be more of these memories to come. And boy did they come.

Over the past two seasons, Bale has shown us how versatile he is, how much of a threat he can be in the middle, on the wings, on the counter attack or even on free kicks. There were times last season where the team didn't quite look right, probably due to some spontaneous tactics by former manager Harry Redknapp. He was still without doubt the star of our team, even with bad egg Luka Modric wanted by Real Madrid.

Nothing like mugging off the Champions of Europe.

This season under Villas-Boas, however, Bale has excelled, becoming the third highest goalscorer in the league and more than just a defensive nightmare. I can't understate how influential AVB has been to Bale's form this season. When he moved into the middle, he wasn't just told to free roam around the midfield like last season, but has been played in a specific role behind the striker. He is no longer leaving large gaps on that left wing, now replaced by technical and supplying midfielders.

There is no player in the world that gives me more excitement when I see them play than Bale. When he has the ball, an air of expectation and excitement rises in the hearts of every yid. The best of players, the most memorable, the most legendary, do not need to be studied, analysed or backed up by stats: you watch them and you know they're good. Only a handful of players have that kind of quality.

I want Bale to stay at Tottenham, not just to benefit the club, but to benefit the league. Why should a player feel the need to move abroad to fulfill his ambitions? Bale can become a Premier League legend, as well as a Tottenham one, if he sticks around. I have said many times that I want him to stay at Spurs so he can become a legend like Hoddle, Greaves, Villa, Ardiles, King...

Wherever his future may life, I am confident Gareth Bale will continue to show the footballing world what a young lad from Cardiff can do.