Call me unpatriotic and pessimistic if you must, but this is by far the worst England tournament squad I've seen in my lifetime. It is almost bereft of any distinguishable world class talent or any cohesion and unity. What it does excell in is supplying the nation with average, overrated players, many of whom would barely make the reserves of the upper strata's squads.
Let's make things nice and sparkling clean:
Joe Hart: After one spectacular keeping display against Borussia Dortmund in 2012, Joe Hart was labelled the best keeper in the world by the British press. Subsequently, Hart has turned out to be just a keeper that's good on his day but is very accident prone (see the first half of this season). He's much better than Rob Green and David James, but that really isn't saying much.
Ben Foster: Average.
Fraser Forster: A couple of good games against Barcelona has made his career. Still one more than Joe Hart, of course.
Glen Johnson: Despite not showing a shred of form in Liverpool's costly defence, Johnson has beaten the likes of Crystal Palace's Joel Ward to an England spot, and we all know why that is! If a player plays for a top 6 club, regardless of his quality, he will always get preferred to than any other league player. Johnson is a poor defender and an equally poor attacking wing back. He will get found out against even the most sporadic wingers, mark my words.
Chris Smalling: When he isn't injured, Chris Smalling is unable to get ahead of ageing Manchester United centre backs, with his only contribution this season in the form of a below-par full back. Smalling's averageness and inexperience, without good management, is bound to prove costly.
Gary Cahill: Despite not being anywhere near world class quality, Cahill is the best available defender in the nation. What a damning indictment...
Phil Jagielka: Been playing very consistent for Everton this season and one of the players that have definitely earned his place. Again, not world class, but he'll be a match for most strikers.
Phil Jones: (refer to Chris Smalling for an eery parallel)
Leighton Baines: One of the few players in the squad that could fit in to every nation's first team.
Luke Shaw: As with any young English talent, Shaw is overrated, but that's not his fault. He is a very good full back for his age and lack of experience. I look forward to seeing his career develop.
Steven Gerrard: Out of all the players in the England squad, Steven Gerrard is probably the most overrated, average footballers in the nation. This season, it has become popular amongst the English press to applaud Gerrard's every touch and pass, however insignificant they are. Whilst occupying a holding midfield role, Gerrard has defended poorly as part of an inadequate Liverpool defence. He slows down the play and can barely retain possession due to an annoying habit to hoof the ball up the pitch from the halfway line. Gerrard's only real contributions for Liverpool this season are his 12 penalties and a free kick, plus many set-piece assists as part of a free-scoring team under Rodgers. What I will say is that I find it wondrous that this shithouse got nominated for Player Of The Season. Needless to say, I can't wait until he retires.
Frank Lampard: Not only has Lampard underperformed for his country in every tournament he's ever been in, the MLS-bound midfielder also resembles Steven Gerrard in ability. By that, he barely retains possession, partial to hoofing it upfield from the halfway, and has the mobility of a stuffed aubergine. How this man ever got into this squad after the season he's had will inevitably be puzzled over by generations to come.
Jack Wilshere: When you look up 'overrated' in the dictionary, you will surely find Jack Wilshere's ratty, smug, drug-addled face, followed by a repetitive soundbite of the adult professional calling Tottenham 'shit'. He is yet another England player who is living off a couple of performances from years gone by. Of his talents, there is his doubtless ability to run around a bit and keep possession. The man wouldn't know what creativity is if it popped up in front of him and offered him a gram. What an embarrassment.
Jordan Henderson: Most people I talk to tell me his game has improved a lot this season, but I've yet to be convinced he can replicate it on an international level. Of course, that doesn't make him unlike any other English midfielder of the past decade.
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain: In a central role, Chamberlain has really shined for Arsenal, offering pace, determination, creativity and an end product. As a winger, although he isn't as effective, he is still head and shoulders above his supposed competition. However, Chamberlain is regretfully injured for the group stages.
James Milner: So average it makes you want to cry.
Raheem Sterling: Sterling is actually a young English midfielder that does live up to the hype. I know, right? What a find! His inexperience in not only international level but in cup competitions is the downside here, but he will make an effective impact player in Brazil.
Adam Lallana: It pleases me beyond comprehension that a player outside the top 6 has managed to get in the England squad. He deserves his place; he has performed well and consistently in the league and so far for England. Lallana's creativity, fluidity and versatility will prove vital for England's efforts in this tournament.
Ross Barkley: I have only nice things to say about Ross Barkley. He has the potential to be world class over time, with the ability to take set pieces, create something out of nothing, take on defenders and be an attacking threat.
Danny Welbeck: I have a Mancunian mate that adores Danny Welbeck, but so far he is the only one that has ever honestly rated him highly that I know. Welbeck shows signs of quality, but being completely inconsistent and completely underwhelming as a striker, he is likely to send the nation in a world of sighs and swears.
Daniel Sturridge: Sturridge has enjoyed the best season of his career at Liverpool, earning him a Player Of The Year nomination. He can score individual goals and work as part of a team as a potent finisher. Whilst you cannot deny that Sturridge has obvious ability as a good striker, we have yet to discover how much of that is due to being Luis Suarez's strike partner. Still, he will definitely be our main goal threat in Brazil.
Rickie Lambert: Lambert has found a place in this England team, not through a good season, but through England's severe lack of strikers, beating off competition from one-trick-pony Andy Carroll and MLS-level Jermain Defoe. I suppose Lambert will be somewhat an impact sub due to his height, but he won't trouble solid defences at this level.
Wayne Rooney: Rooney is the best player in the squad. This hasn't escaped him from increasing criticism due to his consistently average performances for England. If we could harness his full ability at the World Cup, we would be maybe eek into the status of 'dark horse', that's for sure. But how many times have we pinned our hopes to Wayne Rooney and become disappointment?
In conclusion, although there are a few shreds of quality in our squad and some potential quality players, 2014 will be another year of hurt for our national team. Ah well...
