On Andros Townsend

After Andros Townsend came onto the scene for AVB's Tottenham at the start of the 2013/14 season, several articles were published under the headline "Is Andros Townsend the next Gareth Bale?". Feel free to copy and paste that into Google; you'll find like I did a bunch of articles written in 2013 discussing that prospect.

And blimey, what a prospect it was for us Spurs fans! We sold our hero, our talisman, arguably the best to play for Spurs in many years. And in an instant, we could have found a successor. Not one bought, but one of our own! One fast, attacking, goal-hungry, distance-striking winger replacing another. It was glorious. It dared us to dream of thirty-yard screamers, last minute winners, attacking football again. And with thoughts on what that could do for a national team so devoid of flare, so lacking in actual impact players, every English football fan was caught up in the furore of Andros Townsend.

It breaks my heart, therefore, to have to say this, but I think everyone knows it's true. He's one of our own, after all, that's what we sung - but so has many failed Tottenham prospects. Andros Townsend will never amount to the player we want him to be. Furthermore, Townsend barely justifies any more a seat on Tottenham's bench, let alone a starring role.

Allow me to explain. Townsend has many attributes that I adore from a modern-day winger: the ability to take on the defender; the willingness to take a dig at goal from outside box; the sheer velocity to belt it down the flanks. I look at defenders when he has the ball and they look startled into action, frantic to defend and stop him from making a difference in the final third. There's no denying that Townsend could fit the mould perfectly to play in our first team - hell, to play in any Spurs team over the years.

Well, then - why isn't he playing in the first team? Why has Pochettino confined him to the benches this season, using him in the league as no more than a second-half impact player? If he does indeed have all these attributes, shouldn't he easily waltz into the starting eleven ahead of Erik Lamela, ahead of Mousa Dembele, ahead of Nacer Chadli?

The answer is end product. Shots on goal. Creating chances. The difference between foreplay and fuck. Townsend has absolutely no end product, both as a midfielder and as an attacker. He has the foreplay of a pornstar but the penetration of a pubescent twit. He will take on the man; he will dribble down the the flanks; he will get into creative positions to set up and maybe even score. And he will bottle it almost every time. It's fun to watch him mess with defenders, but it is infuriating to watch the terrible crosses, the missed passes, but most of all, the constant, constant attempts on goal,

Scenario: a player gets the ball - teammates are in the box - a player cuts inside - a player looks up - teammates lose their marker - a player decides Fuck it, I'm scoring the winner - a ball goes cannoning into Row Z - possession lost, chance wasted.

Now picture that same scenario when you're watching your team, and it's every single game, and it's every single appearance, and it's every single season. I present you Andros Towsnend.

And the stats do not favour Andros at all. I've dusted off my old calculator, done a bit of division, nearly had an aneurysm, and discovered some shocking statistics about Townsend's end product. This was shocking despite the experience of watching him play for the past few seasons. Brace yourselves, people.

Across the last three seasons in the league and in Europe, Andros Townsend has played for Tottenham 58 times, shot at goal 102 times, and found the net 2 times. Two. That's a shot conversion rate of 1.9%. To put that in perspective, Spurs fans are like to see one goal out of every fifty Andros Townsend shots... ONE GOAL - FIFTY SHOTS. To put this in an even worse perspective for Andros, we'd be likely to get seven goals from Nacer Chadli in as many shots since 2013.

The fun doesn't end there, guys. Oh no. More of the stats that we so eagerly like to read say that Spurs fans see Andros create a single chance per 113 minutes of football. To compare with the a much maligned (and frankly, by many Spurs fans, still despised) rival to the right-wing spot, Erik Lamela will on average create a chance every 38 minutes of football, as well as the 12 assists compared to Townsend's 3 amongst his chances. If I were crude, I would say Lamela is statistically three times as creative as Andros Townsend on the football pitch.

So why exactly might Pochettino bench this young, talented footballer? Well, not only do the other young talented footballers in the squad - Kane, Lamela, Dier, Alli, (at a push) Mason - clearly make better impacts on matches than Townsend, these players are also improving at a far better rate since first playing for Spurs than Townsend. Whilst only the most hypercritical cynic would dispute the fact that Erik Lamela has improved since arriving at Spurs from Roma, Townsend is exactly the same player as he was when he burst onto the scene that same year. There's even an argument to suggest Townsend has gotten worse since first starting for Spurs in 2013; good defenders are more aware of his party tricks and can show him onto his weaker right-foot, which has even less of an impact than his left foot. With the likes of Alex Pritchard and Joshua Onomah jumping up and down to play for Spurs, I honestly wonder how Townsend is even on the bench under Pochettino.

Imagining a Townsend performance is much like Orwell's imagination of the future in Ninety Eighty-Four. I paraphrase: There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment in the process of attacking football. All possible chances to score will be destroyed. Always will there be the intoxication of taking shots, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of shooting from thirty-yards out, the sensation of trampling on a goal-scoring opportunity that is helpless. If you want a picture of Andros Townsend, imagine a boot stamping on Mauricio Pochettino's face - for ever.

Perhaps I'm being a tad harsh in likening Andros Townsend to totalitarianism. My main point is that I hold very little hope for Townsend as a top-half Premier League player. He is void of all end product, merely possessing the threat of it. He has all the attributes of an impact player without the decision-making skills to consistently do anything useful with them. At aged 24, there's still a few more years potentially there for improvement, and I'd love to see him replicate for Tottenham what he seems to do invariably for England. Sadly, with injury problems looming and better options already available and playing for Pochettino, I see a struggle for Townsend to hold onto his future at Tottenham.

The British tabloids have an excruciatingly painful tendency to hype up young, English footballers and announce them to be the next superstar in order to create interest. It wouldn't bother me if it didn't leave such a mark on these young players' careers. Tottenham and England fans alike will always struggle to discard the idea that Townsend could one day score goals, change games, bring glory like Gareth Bale did season after season in Lilywhite. But it's time we put it next to our other hopeless dreams for English football. I'd say that glory fades for Andros - this time, I doubt the glory was ever there to begin with.

Are Spurs set to surprise a few this season?

Nobody at Tottenham Hotspur expected anything coming into the new season. They had a new manager with new ideas (or should I say “philosophies”?) on how the team should play. They were set to start a recovery, a plan to repair the broken squad of the 2013/14 season, and, having learnt the price of an itchy trigger-finger, most Spurs fans were prepared to wait patiently during this season of transition.

That was the mood in August, before a ball was kicked or a game was played. It is now January and the Premier League has surpassed the halfway point. Spurs sit in sixth, three points off fourth place, two points off bitter rivals Arsenal, two points above Liverpool. They are still fighting in all cup competitions: fourth round of the FA Cup, last 32 of the Europa League, semi final of the League Cup. Suddenly, the mood at Spurs has shifted to snowballing optimism.

You may be asking many questions. How have Spurs season turned out this way? Can Tottenham seriously get into the top four? Can they even win silverware?

I might as well attempt to tackle a few of these.

How?

Having watched Southampton excel last season, I had some sort of expectation as to what Tottenham under Pochettino would be like: high-pressing, possession-based attacking football. But what precisely is the substance of the team? What lies beyond the tactics?

Man-management. Both the previous two managers, Andre Villas-Boas and Tim Sherwood, had been charged with lacking in man-management skills. Whilst perhaps this criticism has been contested here and there, there is no denying that Pochettino has communicated superbly with the Tottenham players, particularly the youth. Names like Bentaleb, Kane and Mason were inherited from the previous management as prospects (credit where it’s due) and Pochettino has turned these squad players into starting players. That’s actually an understatement – they are now pivotal to the team! Bentaleb has conducted our build-up play perfectly in midfield. Mason has injected the energy and commitment long absent in defensive midfield at Spurs. Kane is currently Tottenham’s highest scorer in all competitions this season. A Spurs striker that scores goals?! It defies logic.

The cohesion of the squad is another area that has thoroughly improved as well this season. The absence of high-profile, big-money, big-expectation signings in August has allowed the current squad to attempt to prove themselves.  Some of these players have risen to the plate: Chadli, Eriksen, Lamela, Vertonghen and Rose spring to mind. Some have not and question marks remain: Soldado, Adebayor, Kaboul and Capoue have disappointed fans, the saddest one being Kaboul, the supposed skipper. Lloris is… well, Lloris – he was always going to be godlike between the posts.

The success of Tottenham this year has derived from a young, vibrant squad still in status of transition.

Top four? 

At the start of the year, not a single fan would have entertained the idea of a top four challenge, let alone a place. What has emerged this year, most surprisingly, is the failings and disappointments of the other top clubs. Manchester United, despite hammering open the multi-million pound piggy-bank in the summer, have been edgy. Arsenal are imitating the Spurs of 2012/13 and are being carried by their world-class talisman in the form of Alexis Sanchez. Liverpool are imitating the Spurs of 2013/14 and are suffering the loss of their world-class talent in the form of Luis Suarez. Everton are nowhere to be seen. This has paved the way for teams like West Ham and Southampton to cement themselves in the top half, and they don’t look like going away in a hurry.

What this means is that, to use a Sky Sports-style cliché, the race for the top four is completely wide open (*cue dramatic music*). Chelsea and Manchester City have first and second, but third and fourth belongs to whom? There is nothing that suggests to me that Spurs are incapable of challenging, despite whatever challenge surely being based on fragility.

Silverware? 

It is annoying and insipid to constantly having to listen to Sky Sports proclaim Champions League football as the be-all and end-all of a season. At Tottenham, silverware is their manifestation of glory in football, and every season, there burns a hope in Spurs fans’ hearts that they can claim this glory again.

As mentioned before, Spurs are still competing in all the cup competitions. Most immediately, Spurs take on Sheffield United in the League Cup Semi Final, and optimism is naturally high that the club will have another Wembley Final. Absolutely anything can happen in a cup final, so it would be foolish of me to make predictions. Needless to say, though, it would be the best opportunity for a trophy this season for Spurs.

The Europa League is a long and arduous journey from now till May if a club wants to reach the final. Previous seasons have despicably proved that it is the Champions League failures that succeed in the Europa League. Given the right sustenance and management, however, it is possible for Tottenham to endure a European challenge. The FA Cup is still a long way off completion, but Spurs face Leicester in the Fourth Round this Saturday, so it will be interesting is our progress furthers.

Tottenham are far from any sense of a finished article. Their defence has often been suspect. There has been a heavy reliance on last-minute victories to sustain periods of form. However, if progress during transition is to be suspected, is it so foolish to dream that Spurs can only get better from here on in?

Probably. Still, at least it’ll be fun to watch.